What Do You Want From A Friend

What Do You Want From A Friend

Have you ever considered the question “What Do You Want From A Friend“? Which leads nicely onto what, actually, is a friend? I, myself refer to many acquaintances and very few actual friends, yet I do this without actually pausing to consider my own definition.

In my youth, Id have probably said it would be impossible to have a female friend. Don’t jump to slay me, I’m merely saying that I grew up in a time where there was an underlying bias. Not overt, rather hidden just below a surface. In fact, our learned terminology is often referred to as prejudiced, even when it is meant with no harm intended. I have said on a few occasions that I consider prejudice when something is said and there is a hatred or anger behind it. Of course, there are words that should never be spoken of, but words are just that, only the receiver has any power to assign meaning or intent. That is all besides the point, moving swiftly on to the things that I want from a friend:
Male or female
Good listener
Honest
Trustworthy
Mentally strong
Non-judgemental

I don’t care whether you are male or female if you have the other qualities, and we get on, them consider me your friend. I would probably say, surprisingly, on balance I have many more female friends than male in my life. That is a wonderful thing and not something I cultivated, rather it seems in my reality right now, females are more open and honest about their feelings and able to talk about them without that sense of joking that males tend to have (please remember I am talking about me, my generation and older, I am aware that the younger generation is fully utopian and have a perfect society, in which sex and colour have no meaning).

In the past, I have been a poor listener and I think the majority of people are, for me, now, it is about devoting myself fully to the listening experience, that is looking, hearing, sensing and touch to fully understand what a person is saying. Most often you will find that they have no requirement for a solution (guys, I’m talking to you) rather, to know somebody has listened and understood their situation. It comes down to being fully present and invested in the person. If you are thinking about lunch, or bills to be paid, how can you truly be listening?

Honest and trustworthy are essential requirements for the friendship class to me. I want an honest view and I want to know I can trust that person, only to the point where they are not putting themselves outside of the law. Nobody should ever expect that of you.

If I am going to spill my guts to a friend and share experiences, there is a good chance that there might be difficult situations in there, in that case, I need to know you are able to take on-board what I have said without it weighing you down with extra stress or problems.

Lastly, I have found our greatest weakness tends to be judgement of another. I have had far more interesting conversations with people where I have listened and not judged. That person feels grateful to be able to confide without the fear of being told they were a numpty. Even if I thought it, it wouldn’t have been my experience to pass judgement on. Interestingly that allows me to often offer thoughts on the subject in a fairly unbiased way. I caution you here, because a telling of a story actually is never complete in all the detail. The body naturally tends to turn data into something more favourable for the individual rather than actual, total facts.

That is my answer to What Do I Want From a Friend and I look forward to hearing from you on anything different I may have missed out. I’m actually thinking of becoming a professional listener, ever hear of that? It is very much like a counsellor without the suggestions or weight of solutions. In the limited experience I have had, people, when given a chance to think and speak through a problem, will invariably come upon their own correct solution.